Q. Never-Asked-Questions? What? You thought you’d be all clever instead of just having a normal F.A.Q. like everyone else?
A. Well, actually, since I haven’t actually had any questions asked of me yet, a N.A.Q. is actually a lot more accurate than creating a F.A.Q. at this point.
Q. So what happens when people do start asking questions and some of these become frequently asked?
A. I ignore the very existence of those genuinely-asked questions, and just keep my clever little N.A.Q. instead.
Q. That’s what I thought.
A. That’s not a question.
Q. That’s not an answer.
A. That… that doesn’t even make… Shut up. Can we get on with the N.A.Q. now?
Q. Fine. What’s this stupid website all about then anyway?
A. Did you just call my website stupid?
Q. I’m asking the questions.
A. That wasn’t a question!
Q. You started it! Just answer the question!
A. Fine… What was the question?
Q. What’s this stupid website all about then anyway?
A. Well, I don’t think it’s stupid…
Q. Everyone has an opinion.
A. BUT… I made it in order to be able to put on display Traz Productions, the makers of The Life and Deaths of Cooter Brown, The Adventures of Ak, and any other creations I may make up in the future.
Q. You say “you” made it?
Q. Isn’t it true that you had a friend of yours help you (i.e. do it for you) with all the HTML and other such technical issues far beyond the capabilities of your puny mind?
A. Um… sort of.
Q. So you’re a liar then?
A. Well, I wouldn’t go that far. Jon built the website and wrote all the code and such, but I still did a lot of the work. I made all those pretty banners and pictures, and I made the actual content too.
Q. So you built it together?
Q. Why didn’t you just say that to begin with then?
A. I... uh…
Q. “I… uh…” Isn’t it true that you have a superiority complex and think you’re better than everyone else?!
A. What kind of F.A.Q. is this?
Q. It’s not a F.A.Q. It’s a N.A.Q.!
A. Exactly! So stop treating it like some sort of exposé! Just ask the freakin’ questions!
Q. Okay, what is “The Life and Deaths of Cooter Brown?”
A. It’s a series of webisodes telling the story of Cooter Brown, Joe Killa, and several other fun characters.
Q. Wasn’t this series once known as “The Burninator?”
A. Are you trying to be sarcastic?
Q. Oh, NO! Not at all!
A. Okay, now I know you’re being sarcastic!
Q. Whatever. How did this “Burninator” or whatever get started?
A. It all started with a series of videos I produced for a college course that I took a few years ago. I was supposed to be profiling various people for the assignments. I started the Burninator series instead.
Q. Is that why you washed out of college? You never bothered to do what you were supposed to do?
A. Actually, I made an A in the class.
Q. Really? How did that happen?
A. I think it was kind of a fluke. Long story.
Q. Okay, well I don’t care that much anyway. Moving on. What about the comic, “The Adventures of Ak?” What’s that all about?
A. Well, ever since I was a little boy…
Q. I’m gonna stop you right there before you go any further. Short version please!
A. Oh… Um… Well, I always wanted to do my own comic.
Q. Concise. To the point. That’s the way you should be answering all these questions.
A. I could say the same thing about how you should be asking them.
Q. All right, all right. “Other Writings.” I presume that section is for…?
A. Other writings.
Q. Of course… People seriously need these F.A.Q.’s to explain this stuff to them?
A. Well, to be fair, the "Other Writings" section is no more. Now it's just "Legends of Az." Anyway, it’s a N.A.Q. And I’m not sure these are the sorts of questions they’re typically used for.
Q. So what kind of questions are they typically used for?
A. I don’t know… stuff the readers can’t find out by looking around the rest of the site.
Q. Oh… Okay… Do you like puppies?
Q. Do you like puppies?
A. Well… yeah…
Q. What about cats?
A. Not especially… I don’t dislike them or anything, though…
Q. If you could live just for one day in any time period at any point in history in the location of your choosing, when and where would it be?
A. I’m not sure this is really…
Q. What is the answer to life, the universe, and everything?
A. I… I don’t think I’m the person to be asking that!
Q. No, that is incorrect.
Q. Do you like unicorns?
A. Um… they’re all right, I guess.
Q. You love them, don’t you?
Q. DON’T YOU?!
A. I… Yes, I do!
Q. I knew it! You’re such a girl.
A. Good grief!
Q. Did you like X-Men: The Last Stand?
Q. I thought it was pretty good.
Q. It was kinda bad-ass.
A. It was stupid! They totally screwed up the whole Phoenix storyline, the cure storyline was phoned in, the pacing was crap, the teen melodrama between Bobby, Rogue, and Kitty Pryde would have been sub-par on an episode of Dawson’s Creek, they wasted Cyclops (in more ways than one), they screwed up all sorts of character backgrounds, didn’t bother to go into others, relied entirely on the previous movies for any characterization that did exist doing nothing of their own, day mysteriously transformed to night in an instant without reason or explanation, and “Hello, Moira.” It sucked!
Q. Wolverine kicked a lot of ass………….
Q. Are we done yet?
A. I don’t know… I think this may just leave people with more questions than they started with…
Q. A job well done then. One more question, though…
A. Go for it.
Q. Do you think it’s obvious that both sides of this F.A.Q…
A. It’s a N.A.Q.
Q. Whatever. Do you think it’s obvious that both sides are written by the same person?
A. It is now.
END OF N.A.Q. Version 1.0
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